I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
