first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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