i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
