Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
