This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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