her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
