belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
