you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
