no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
