I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
