Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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