she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
