Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
