I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
