Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
