I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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