I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
