I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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