You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
