i barfeds in our rink
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize