He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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