Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
