I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize