A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
