I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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