My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
