I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
