tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
