Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize