I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
