id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
