he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize
