The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
