I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
