I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
