Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
