i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
