I want to stick my p in your. b.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
