she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
