The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
