You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
