You can't special order awesome
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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