Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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