i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish my penis had a tongue
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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