just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
