We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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