the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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