matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
