You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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