So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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