everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
