so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
