from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
