Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize