I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
