So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
