I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
