you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
