this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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