He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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