Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
