I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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