you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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