Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize