two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
