I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
