i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
