apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
