seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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