look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
