I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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