i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize