Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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