I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just forgot I was standing up.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
