The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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