did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
