my mouth tastes like poor choices
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
