he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
