so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
