Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have aggressive nipples.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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