I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
