your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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