Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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