I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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