Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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