I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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